I want to go home
September 24, 2012
I had a great weekend at home. First I visited my dad and had breakfast there. In the noon my brother made pizza, he made it himself completely, not a frozen one. It tasted so great. Afterwards my dad took me and Luis to our apartment where we rested a little. Then my best friend Nathalie came over and we watched some tv and had fun, she is really awesome and we have the same sense of humor. I really love her. When she left Luis and I went to bed because he didn’t feel very well. I couldn’t fall asleep till 3am but then I fell asleep in Luis’ arms and I noticed how much I had missed to sleep like that. In the morning we got up around 9 because we were awaiting friends for breakfast. It was so cool to see them again… Luis showed them some cool Things on his keuboard. They had to leave around 12 because the guys had a soccer match. Then a few minutes after they had left the house, my friend Julia and her boyfriend Marvin visited us. Luis and Marvin went to play basketball, meanwhile Julia and I tried on some chains, bracelets and earrings. Then we started to prepare lunch. When the guys came back we ate pasta, meat and salad. I noticed that I spent most of the summer in hospital and that I can’t walk in high heels anymore. I gotta practice that. We had lot of fun. In the afternoon they left and my man and I finally had a little time for ourselves. At 7pm I had to go back to hospital and this really broke my heart. I have an 82 year old roommate that’s snoring even worse than the other lady I shared to room with. I really didn’t wanna go back. When I’m here I miss my privacy and the freedom. I can eat when and what I want. I can sleep when I want. And most important- I have Luis around me. I miss his warmth at night, I miss to hear his breath when I wake up. I just want to be with him. I spend all year in hospital so far and I can’t no more. Mentally I’m burned out. I really need a break and after all I went through I think I deserve it. Today in the morning they told me I won’t get a single room and that was the little thing that was just too much and made me want to quit. I will call my insurance later to ask if it’ll have bad consequences for me if I go home. I already talked to all my therapists, they all want a single room for me and support my wish to go home. I can buy all the little things they use here for my therapy, so I can keep doing it at home. I’m really tired of being in hospital. My nerves are already fucked up and I’m about to break down. I really can’t no more and I need the break that I deserve. I’m not a person that gives up easily but now I’m at my limit. I’m at a point where I really can’t no more. Enough Is enough.