24 – I miss Luis

April 29, 2012

Today I slept till 12.30 in the noon because I was throwing up all night.
I have a new roommate again, but this time she is very nice and it makes things easier for me.
Today my brothers were here. I was so happy about that.
I only had little pain today. Breathing was a little hard and I was throwing up, but besides that it was a very good day for me and I could recover a little and get some strength back. After my brothers left, I fell asleep again immediately.
I even was able to read a little . I am so thankful for days like this. In the last three months the pain was so horrible, many times I really couldn’t stand it anymore.
I hope, that I can reduce the morphine a little more or stop taking it at all. I reduced it during the last days already. I am afraid of an addiction.
I just opened the window completely and im enjoying the warm evening- breeze.
I hope so bad, that I can go to my sister’s wedding.
Probably Luis will come over for some days the and I really want to spend some days at home with him.
I can deal with being in this bed around the clock, even to pee or to wash myself.
Unfortunately some others can’t deal with it. It always hurts to loose persons, that mean something to you. I already lost many people because of the disease. But also this time some people don’t talk to me anymore. Sometimes I feel forgotten.
I wish I could go out with my friends… But I don’t belong to them anymore.
In the first two weeks everybody calls and visits me. But after a while it’s normal to them that i am here and nobody cares about it anymore.
That makes me so sad. I am glad that I still have so many people that support me.
I feel bad because my family and Luis worry so much about me.
For them it’s harder than for me. Sometimes in wish, I could go through this alone, without them knowing. But I am also glad and happy, that they are there for me. They give me power and strength and hope.
But I miss Luis…
I miss, to be im his arms. I miss, that he hold my hand when i am in pain. He has the talent to calm me down and to distract me. To convince me, that soon it will be better and that I will be fine.
When he was here, it was so much easier. I wish he was here.


One Response to “24 – I miss Luis”

  1. ziaboga Says:

    Hola daniela, me alego de que hayas pasado un buen día con tu familia y que tu compañero de habitación sea mejor que la anterior.lo importante es que tengas menos dolores, aunque sea con la morfina.Es normal que eches de menos a Luis y quieras estar unos días en casa con él.yo tengo la suerte de que mi mujer está todos los días conmigo.tienes razón de que cuando la gente ve que estás ahí mucho tiempo se va olvidando de lo duro que es para ti y algunos se van.Pero otros, estaremos contigo y leerémos todos los días tu blog, porque he aprendido mucho con tus comentarios, y saber que la vida son pequeños momentos que tenemos que disfrutar.Parece que te conozco de toda la vida, ya que al leer todos los días tu blog, entiendo mejor tus problemas, y lo duro y exigente de la enfermedad.Tienes todo mi apoyo y espero que pronto estés con Luis y disfrutes de esos momentos.
    estaremos en contacto.Un abrazo de tu amigo Jesus ureña (ziaboga).

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