20 – Never give up!
April 21, 2012
Today I’m so tired again. At night I had nightmares again.
In the morning, the nurse finally washed my hair.
The hot water on my head felt so great. I miss my shower and my tub so much…
In the noon a friend visited me for an hour and I was able to eat a Subway Sandwich and Popcorn.
And of course my favorite foodstuff couldnt be missing:
I worked some more on my second picture. It isn’t finished yet but you can already get an idea what it will look like. It’s silver on a black background.
They still give me really strong painkiller around the clock. The pain is hard to stand anyways. It is so exhausting.
Today in the evening they show my favorite TV- series (Navy CIS).
I’m looking forward to it 🙂 those are the little joys here.
Outside it’s raining and it’s grey- that’s not really cheering me up.
But I miss the smell of a summer rain after a sunny day, when it’s warm outside.
It’s so boring here so I have many stupid ideas. Today I wondered:
when I drink alcohol, I’m an alcoholic. When I drink Fanta- am I fantastic?
This weekend I sent flowers to my family. They were all very happy. I miss the smell of spring flowers and green grass.
Tomorrow my sister will visit me. I am really looking forward to it.
I miss my brothers. I haven’t seen Luca for such a long time and Enrico for about three or four weeks.
I lost track of how long I have been here yet. After a while you don’t care anymore.
The days here are almost the same. The only difference between the week days is the Tv program in the evening.
At the moment I have nightmares very often.
Maybe because I’m afraid of my transplant-appointment next week. Two doctors, that decide, if I get the Chance to fight for my life.
Without new lungs it will be very hard. I feel, how I’m breathless faster and more often. I feel it’s getting worse so quickly.
Now i’m short of breath already when I only change my socks.
I am willing to fight.
But I am fighting against an enemy, that can’t be beaten. I can’t run away. I am fighting against my own body.
But I will never give up.