14 – I love my life anyways
April 15, 2012
Yesterday evening I got a little fever. Some that I have a headache, my ears hurt and I feel like throwing up. And I’m tired around the clock. That’s not that bad, but I’m afraid that my lungs could get worse too. Right now I just have more mucus than usually.
Unfortunately the pain is getting worse too and I had a bad night again.
Although I didn’t feel well, I was happy to see the sun and blue sky through the window in the morning (now it’s cloudy and grey). Today my friends are going to visit me, so I decided to put some make up so I don’t look that sick. I can’t get up, so I used my iPhone as my mirror. This is the result:
You just feel better when you care about yourself and so your hair, nails, make up. I just feel less sick then.
I can’t change the situation, so try to make the best out of it and I try not to give up on myself and to let go.
I am so looking forward to see my friends 🙂 Sometimes I think, that the CF is also good for me. Because I know how to value the things more than other people, I can be happy about the little things, that others don’t even notice. For everybody things like breathing, running, sunshine, a hot bath or going to the movies is just normal. To me they are not. I am grateful when I can breathe well. When I can be home or even go to the movies or to a restaurant. I’m happy when I can hear the birds tweeting or when can feel the sunshine on my skin.
I’m thankful for every day, that life gives me. Every moment, that I can enjoy is like a present.
Because of the CF I also know, who my real friends are. When I started to get worse and to become very sick, many “friends” disappeared- one after the other. But those, that I still have today, are the ones that always stayed by my side, that drove 200 kilometers to see me in hospital or that got up in the middle of the night and came to my house because I felt bad. I know I can count on them 100%.
I can say the same about Luis. We had great times, where we went hiking in the rain forest and I was running up the stairs than he. Unfortunately we also had times, where he had to wash me, to carry me to the toilet, sat in the hospital with me for weeks. He did my breathing therapy with me, cooked for me and washed my clothes and helped me to change clothes. He was there for me around the clock although he could have done more exciting things. It means a lot when a man does that much for you. Luis never ran away and I am so grateful for that. I thank him so much for loving me in bad times too. He loves me unconditionally.
What I want to say is, that you can find positive things in any situation, no matter how bad it is. You just have to let it happen, you have to let the negative thoughts go. You have to accept the situation. A positive attitude can make your life so much better. I love my life, even if many people feel sorry for me. I don’t need pity or people to feel sorry for me. My life is not as bad as people think. That’s because I learned to value and appreciate the little things. The life is as bright and great, as YOU make it.