4 – I need a break
April 5, 2012
Last night was the worst night for a long time. I needed strong painkillers every 30 minutes and they also have me high doses of a lot of injections that are usually used for full anesthesia. They tried to force my body to rest but it didn’t work. I couldn’t sleep. I coughed a lot of blood. Much more than usually. I felt so bad 😦
They will take me to the other hospital today, right now I’m already waiting for the helicopter. I feel horrible after all those meds- the nurse said the dose would be high enough to put 2 elephants to sleep. Quite too much for a person of my size and stature. I am also incredibly tired. My head aches and I’m throwing up.
I don’t want to go to the other hospital. I want to go home. I know that I won’t get lungs for at least 3 more months. I don’t know if I will ever get new lungs. But I’m so tired of suffering.
Today, the warrior in me is taking a break. It will be better soon, but today I don’t feel like fighting or being strong or anything like this.
I think it would be easier if I had Luis by my side for those months of waiting. But I don’t think I want to do this on my own right now. I hate to wake up without breath and nobody is there. To have all this pain and nobody is there to hug me.
I want a break 😦 I am sure this feeling is just temporary. Even the strongest CF- patients have weak, sad days too… I will try to take a picture of the helicopter and post it in the evening.
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